I am a socially awkward person. So I can talk about not one but many moments where I have embarrassed myself in public. As a very in-social person, or is it unsocial? Anyways, as a non-social person, I find it very hard to be amongst people. I can’t fit in. I always stand out! I just can’t speak, simply said. Yes, I’m the last person you’ll want to have a good conversation with. I’m full of it – anti-socialism. Find it difficult, can’t…express, I’m expressionless!
Here’s recalling an incident that happened in 2015 at my first job as a Proofreader.
It was a few months since I joined the office and had to collect my confirmation letter from HR.
So I went. The problem started from there. When ‘I’ had to go, I had to take the initiative. So I reluctantly went to my HR’s office to ask for my confirmation letter. My company had two offices located on the same floor. The HR worked in the other office. She was on the phone when I went in. I heaved a sigh of relief and waited.
When she was off the phone, I called her name at a volume that according to me was loud enough. It always is but people never hear it the 1st time or 2nd or 3rd time or 4th or 5th…
I started to ask her but again had to repeat and swallowed hard and loudly while doing so. Why do I do that? Why it happens I don’t know. I wasn’t scared or anything, but still. So this happens and the other person rises tall and starts thinking what influence we have over people or this girl, making her nervous and all, what a beautiful talent we have been granted.
Half the time I speak, I realize afterwards why I said what I said or why did I react that way. It’s like having no control over yourself.
I once read a book about autism written by an autistic boy of 13 or 14. As I read the book I noted the similarity between situations, behaviors and problems in me and the boy. I felt like I am a unique autistic case where I appear like a normal person from the outside but a volcano of emotions is going on inside that stems from not being able to express myself fully. Yet I know many people will identify with me. Still, I feel so different, so unique. Where are all those people? (I have met some bloggers I can relate to on WordPress, though)
But I have come to understand that we are all, similar or not, on the same hunt. Our roads may be different- some may be too long, some short. Some tedious and some simple and straight. Whichever road we are on, our destination meets at a single point. So gather yourself, don’t be shy, don’t be afraid. Be yourself. Take pride in who you are. Love. And choose your path. Take on your unique selves with you- that’s the main part. But the biggest thing is to know that we are on a path, to begin with because we all have a long way to go.